Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
