I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
