The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
