It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
