how can u be prego again
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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