Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
