the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
