Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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