Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
