Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
