I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
