cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
