those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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