I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
