he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
