look no pants
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
