Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
