I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
