and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
