Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
