During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
