I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm like, not good at living.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
