I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
