Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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