Please, let me fuck your mom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
