Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
