Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
