ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
