So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
