Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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