wrigley field is MILF paradise
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
