You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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