this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
