I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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