Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
