Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
