i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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