first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
