You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
