4 words: hood of his car
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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