My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
