so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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