all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's the barista slut.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
