I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
