she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
that is very illegal...i love you.
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