he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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