So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
