You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
