I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
