do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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