so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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