When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
