Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
3 2 1 whiskey
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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