Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
