I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
