I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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