That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
